This month President Donald Trump touted his record on the environment.  Taking credit for achievements of his predecessors, the president sought to sway moderate swing voters.  Not mentioned in his speech were a variety of death blows he has dealt to the environment.  Some of them include renewal of coal mine leases and coastal offshore oil and gas drilling as well as rollbacks of federal land protection, clean water regulation, and tailpipe pollution.

Today the SEC reported a spike in trading on Frizz Ease stock.  Frizz Ease, a company whose products reduce hair frizz in hot and humid environments, saw its biggest surge in stock price since it entered the NYSE. 

Through their investigations, the SEC traced back the heaviest trading to top leaders in the RNC.  Ronna McDaniel, chairwoman of the RNC, was unavailable for comment, though she drew suspicion while entering a keratin treatment salon.  An anonymous spouse of one of the senior members of the RNC revealed, “You don’t need a wall to see the writing on it.  A global summer is coming and people are going to need to prepare their hair.  Frizz Ease was the obvious stock but some folks on Wall Street are in the process of creating a mutual fund.  Some like straight frizz, free hair and others like to lock in their curls.”

The SEC was not available for comment as they are busy investigating other spikes in trading including companies Degree, Dove, Sure, and Speedstick.