A new tech start up founded by Chinese and Russian engineers is set to debut apps designed to help American parents struggling with the unregulated freedoms enjoyed by their children on the internet and social media.  Named “DZ” or Dasvidaniya Ziyou (Bye Bye Freedom in Russian and Mandarin, respectively) offers a host of applications offered in a dim sum menu.

The offerings range from simple limitation of access to the internet, to more expensive options which include full scale governmental style spying, all the way to censorship of content or even replacement with custom content of your choosing.

“The possibilities are endless,” boasted founding partner Dimitri Petrostovich.  “This is as easy as borscht.  We look forward to showing Americans how simple it is to restrict their children.”  His partner Elvis Chan added, “Yes, our product line is so good, you might even incite an uprising, but we have advice on how to handle that as well.  We know how to deal with protesters.”

When asked what inspired the duo to start this company, Mr. Petrostovich explained, “We were shocked to see how much power kids seem to have in America.  They even decide what food families eat for dinner.  We saw the market opportunity to restore the proper balance of power between parents and kids.”

Both Mr. Petrostovich and Mr. Chan are renowned authors, most famous for their novels:
“Don’t Cry for Me Crimea: ABCs of Annexation”
“How to Host an Election”
“The Quiet Art of Quid Pro Quo”
“Understanding Uranium and Charitable Foundations”
“Protesters 101: How to Handle Your First Insurrection”
“Copying Code: Speed Techniques Beyond Ctrl-C”
“Putting the Sense Back in Censorship”
“The Difference Between Stealing and Taking Technology”