West Virginian, John Applegate, is 59 years old and looking for coronavirus.  He justified himself in Darwinian fashion, “I’m gonna turn 60 very soon and darn it, I need this virus before my body ends up in that more dangerous, over 60 category.”

Applegate just returned from Florida beaches and said he was able to “shoot two possums with one bullet” by also racking up frequent flyer miles.  Applegate was happy to see the airlines were in full operation to accommodate all the millennials Spring Breakers.