So you have flip flopped on your participation in the Coronavirus propaganda briefings.  Most people, especially comedians, are wondering about the reason.  Was it your preposterous recommendation of ingesting bleach or radiating harmful UVC directly into the body?

Look, I never said that, ever.  Fake news.  I was being sarcastic and everyone knows I tell the best sarcasm.  If people are too dumb to understand it, I won’t try any longer.

Try what?

What?

Moving, on.  You have put a 60 day hold on aid to the WHO.  What’s next?

You bet WHAT’s next!  WHEN, WHERE, WHY, and HOW better watch out too!

Do you have anything to say about protesters defying state orders and rallying for “freedom”?

Yea, if anyone has a problem with them, they should go out and counter protest.  But guess what?  No one is doing it, so I guess things are just fine, aren’t they?

Is there a reason coronavirus is represented as red on all the maps?

Yea, it’s for efficiency.  My mapmakers told me that pretty soon when all the Republican governors end social distancing, the political map and coronavirus map can be used interchangeably.  It saved us millions of dollars – so you’re welcome, America! 

About the coronavirus curve, many say you’re the reason it took off so fast and the reason for the fumble with testing.

Testing, testing, testing!  I hated it in college and I hate it now.  Look, I’m actually quite proud of my work.  This coronavirus curve the first curve I’ve ever set.  And it’s beautiful, so beautiful.