The Chinese government announced that it would impose sanctions on US lawmakers in a retaliation to the United States’ sanctioning of China for human rights abuses.  While the US banned four Chinese officials from accessing American bank accounts and obtaining visas, it was unclear what exactly the Chinese government would do to the US senators. 

However, Society Garlic’s investigative division has obtained China’s top secret plans to foil the US senators.  Cruz, Rubio, and Smith will all be locked out of their TikTok, Zoom, and Karaoke accounts.  Furthermore, any visas will be categorically denied. A remorseful and troubled Texas senator Ted Cruz wept, “I’m saddened that my actions have ruined my family’s winter plans for a very Cantonese Christmas.”