Grocery chain darling Trader Joe’s is planning to rebrand many of its creative and delicious international food items in order to remove “a narrative of exoticism that perpetuates harmful stereotypes.”  This comes from a change.org petition started by a 17 year old white female. 

The CMO of Trader Joe’s explained, “It will be a costly undertaking because production lines are already creating new exotic brand labels such as Trader Jawaharlal, Trader João, Trader Jurgen, Trader Joziah, and Trader Jabar.  It’s strange because customers actually asked us to ‘celebrate and include’ more cultures.  I wish I were privileged enough to effect change so easily.  This person is also offended by ‘Trader’ and ‘Joe’ so maybe we should just rename the grocery chain after her, as a great woke leader. Man, Safeway has it easy!”

At this moment it is unclear what will happen to the beloved Avocado’s Number Guacamole.  Does it offend scientists who revere the brilliance of Amedeo Avogadro’s contribution to molecular theory? Does it culturally appropriate the number 6.02214076×10^23?  We may never know.  The spokesperson for the National Academy of Sciences did not respond for comment because they are too busy working on things that matter.