After a breathtaking performance of actually melodic “Dynamite,” K-Pop boy band BTS took home only applause from the 2021 Grammys.  International fan base BTS ARMY was incredibly hurt by the Grammys snub as were other Asian countries (minus India, who could not air the content on public TV for religious, feminist, moral, and ethical reasons).

Despite breaking seven Guinness World Records for number one song on Billboard, YouTube, and Spotify to name a few, the boy wonders have realized they must reinvent themselves to break through the discrimination. 

Anonymously one of the boy band’s managers confided, “Look, we have focused on voice, talent, expert choreography, and even English lyrics to capture the attention of the Grammys, but according to all our analytics, it seems we need to vulgarize BTS’s image.”

Society Garlic has uncovered some of BTS’s secret, edgy brainstorming ideas.    

“I always thought WAP stood for Wireless Application Protocol.  Maybe we can name ourselves something ‘bad’ so we can fit in to the diversity of the Grammys.  Instead of ‘Bulletproof Boy Scouts’ let’s try ‘Bullying Boy Scouts’?”  

“Instead of drinking milk, we can drink high fructose corn syrup-based lemonade!” 

“What if we reduce our UNICEF anti-violence campaign and charitable donations to BLM, coronavirus relief, and children?  It’s not the same as drugging people and stealing their money, like Cardi B, but it’s the closest thing I can think of.”

“Let’s convert our pants into skirts and grow our nails!”

“Light it up like dynamite…. maybe we can reference cigarettes?  I think those are illegal.”

“Instead of 250 vocals, let’s remove all melody and harmony and just record the seven of us sounding quite upset.”

“Instead of recreating LA for our dance performance, next time let’s stage it in hell so we can perform with Cardi B too.”

“Instead of lyrics about social commentary, loving oneself, individualism, mental health, and overcoming loss, we must now focus on sexual reproduction. I’ll fetch my 7th grade health book!”

“Let’s stick out our tongues more.  I’ll buy the lollipops!”

“Forget inspiration from Hermann Hesse, Friedrich Nietzsche, Herbert James Draper, James R. Doty, and other poets, philosophers, artists, and founders of centers of compassion and altruism.  Let’s base our inspiration on someone evil – like Lord Voldemort!”