Hate crimes are up, but criminals are getting defensive about the hate crime labels of their actions.  Local criminals Max and Jared (false names used to protect their identities) have spoken up to clarify any misunderstandings. “Look, we love robbing people, all kinds of people.  I mean, so maybe we happen to carjack a disproportionate number of Hispanics, but they are an overrepresented group within the luxury car owner segment.  You think we’re going to go after Indians and their Honda Accords in the name of equity?  We’ve also been accused of being homophobic.  Hell no, we just love the community’s *fabulous* clothes.  Jamilla’s juicy hot pants win every day of the week over Jethrow’s jean overalls.  These are love crimes, not hate crimes.  Now if you’ll excuse us, Meta is about to have their holiday party, and a bunch of Teslas will be left unattended.  Millennial Asian and white males are about to help dilute our stats.”