China’s president has had quite a circuit this year around the world, meeting with top leaders to talk about top priorities. Some of those leaders have disclosed to Society Garlic what was discussed at their respective summits.

France (Macron) – “From escargot to raccoon hotdogs, honestly, we exchanged recipes. Tres magnifique!”

Singapore (Yew) – “We had a technology summit. We mostly talked about about cane technology – size, shape, and materials that are best for various citizen beating scenarios, whether for individuals or large group uprisings in Hong Kong.”

North Korea (Un) – “We discuss the pros and cons of slavery. It’s actually quite complicated.”

Russia (Putin) – “When Xi comes to town, we like to go on retreat and just be comrades. We sit next to coal fire, drink GMO vodka, eat endangered meat, and share fun stories about latest oppressions. It’s very fun, but I wish Xi would – how you say – loosen himself. I did get head start on Ukraine, but he still has time with Taiwan. He must remember it is not race. It is marathon.”

Iran (Khamenei) – “We like to ‘enrich’ each other. We share ideas of optimal strategies in maritime aggression. Xi also helps us with the latest network technology in propaganda and disinformation, while I like to educate him on the latest hands-on terror network technology in our region and beyond. Maybe I shall toot my own horn here to tell you that we put the ‘int’ in militants. Our network is world-wide.”

US (Biden) – “Well, golly, I had a really productive summit with Xi. I asked him to reduce his country’s carbon footprint, and he committed to me that he would use more Uighurs and fewer factories! That’s a point in the win column for sure! Vote for me in 2024!”