Jumping on the victim bandwagon, disgruntled American scientists and students are demanding reparations from the British for their nonsensical Imperial System.  Leading the effort is astrophysicist, Sanvikaa Metricwala.  “I moved to the US because I wanted to shake the shackles of the awful British legacies in India – driving on the wrong side, pinky-based tea drinking, and bad teeth.  But now the situation is 10^55 worse!  The Imperial System forces me to spend more time doing calculations in grocery stores than in my office!  Cups, pints, ounces?  A cake shouldn’t be harder to bake than my calculations!….I mean I never bake my numbers!….Please refer to my disgraced colleagues in condensed matter physics on that topic.  As far as reparations, we scientists demand that the UK pay us $500M to help convert us to the metric system. Please do it quickly because inflation is about to curve steeper than an exponentially growing magnetic field.”

Dr. Metricwala also has a nationwide army of students on her side.  Seven year old spokesperson for students, Johnny Painter, adds, “We’re tired of all the math conversions.  It’s bad enough we have to learn all these extra pronouns in English class.  Now we have to learn all these extra units in math class!  For reparations, we demand 100kgs, yea kilograms, of chocolate frogs!  And not those French frogs – that’s gross.  I mean real Harry Potter chocolate frogs!”