Behavioral neuroscientists were living their best research lives this past year with campus protests.  Dr. Alex Birmingham of Columbia University set up an observation station to collect behavioral data in real time.  Excited about what her data have revealed, she beamed, “I’m telling you – this is amazing.  Usually we have to set up elaborate test groups with lots of misfit individuals to get this kind of data.  Now, it’s all coming to us for free.  First and foremost, I can absolutely confirm that the brain is not fully developed until age 25.  Secondly, the number of nose rings is directly proportional to the level of victimhood.  Some other research I am conducting examines whether parental income is directly proportional to the quality of buckets used in encampment sewage systems.  Also, I’m testing whether a higher the SAT verbal score leads to a lower vocabulary count.  It seems like liberal arts students are limited to the words from of the Iranian handbook “ABCs of Intifada.”  And finally, I should mention that none of my data covers engineering students.  I couldn’t find them anywhere, strangely.