In the midst of Delta surges in the great state of Texas, erudite Governor Greg Abbott is planning to step up his game, eyeing a “Stage 6.”  Below is a transcript of an exclusive interview obtained by a senior Society Garlic reporter.

Society Garlic: So, I wasn’t aware there was a Stage 6 in covid risk-based guidelines for Texas.  Please explain.

Abbott: Well I like to be a trailblazer and want to create my own Stage 6 emergency before my buddy Ron from Florida beats me to it.  See, we still have a few ICU beds left.  Like my friends at Airbnb like to say, I want them fully booked!  Hell, I’d like them double booked.  Maybe we can start a live auction!  I’m looking for the kind of media attention that will make me the heartthrob of all Republicans.

Society Garlic: You’ve already banned mask mandates and vaccination requirements.  What more can you “do?”

Abbott: First I’d love to ban social distancing, but with school starting soon, that will happen on its own.  Then I’ll increase fire code capacity for all buildings and stadiums in our great state.  Finally, I’ll dissolve all vaccination clinics, the Texas Department of Health, and boy do I have a bullseye on the CDC in 2024!

Society Garlic: OK this question might be moot now, but what are you going to do for the children under 12 who do not yet qualify for a vaccination but are being sent back into schools with no mandated masks, contact tracing, notifications, or any level of protection?

Abbott: Those little tykes are getting free meals right now.  That will need to stop.  I will also promote screen time, sugar, alcohol, tobacco, and firearms.  Parents will have the freedom to make whatever choices they want.

Society Garlic: I really need to go now.  Any final words for our readers?

Abbott: Give me liberty or give me death!

Society Garlic: You already have both, sir.