Even with the new administration and new director of the CDC making changes to the country’s pandemic response, the United States’ genetic surveillance is completely inadequate.  However, Society Garlic has worked with various research institutes to sift through data to bring you this easy guide to help identify which covid variant has invaded your body.

This guide helps correlate symptoms to current variants and place of origin.

Crooked teeth – Alpha (B.1.17) – United Kingdom
Living hakuna matata – Beta (B.1.351) – South Africa
Hip shaking – Gamma (P.1) – Brazil
Bobbling head – Delta (B.1.617.2) – India
Llama breath – Lambda (C.37) – Peru
Middle finger extensions – Iota (F.U.) – New York

Coming soon to an ICU near you….

Hangover – L.S.U.1 – Louisiana
Mouse shaped ears – M.M.1 – Florida
Sexual appetite for interns – B.C.1 – Arkansas
Praising the lord – J.C.1 – Mississippi
Football shaped crimson blood cells – F.B.1 – Alabama
Queso cravings – F.1 – Austin